Resistance – the Sneaky Saboteur Keeping us from Fulfilling our Calling

I just thought I was lazy.

All my life I’ve been full of ideas, goals, dreams of great accomplishments in life.  I would think about these dreams when I was going about my day. I’d daydream about them and enjoy the warm fuzzies they brought. But when I had 30 minutes or more to devote to actually doing these things, I’d watch Youtube videos or do whatever seemed more urgent.

I had every opportunity to put it in motion, but I wouldn’t do it. 

Over time, this feeling became very familiar.  I began to recognize it. It was almost a feeling of dread, which was strange. How could I be convinced I wanted something, feel all the good feelings about it, then dread actually doing it?

Generally this would happen with things that were extra in life. I could get my dishes and laundry done. I could take care of the kids and do their school. But it was the things that very few people knew about – things that were big in my mind and heart -that I would put off; dreams of writing a book or starting a blog.

Finally, after too many years of getting frustrated with myself, I learned this feeling has a name: Resistance. 

It wasn’t procrastination exactly, but a close cousin. It’s almost like what temptation is to the actual decision – we feel tempted, then make a choice to either give in or do the right thing.   Similarly, we feel resistance to an action, then make a choice to either avoid it or take the action despite the feeling.

Resistance is much more common than I ever realized, especially perhaps among writers and creatives, but it hits us all.

Enter: Pseudo-Action

Sometimes I would overcome it and do the thing anyway, but that was rare.  Also rarely, I would not feel resistance so I would do the thing.  Most often, I would do a deep dive into pseudo-action:

One day I would brainstorm some ideas.

The next day, I would make a beautiful list.

Then the next, I’d find some things to research in-depth.

Then I would brainstorm more ideas

to make a list

of my plan

for more in-depth research.

Ahem…

I felt like I was doing something, and technically I was doing something, it just wasn’t the thing.  It’s good to think things through, but I took it way too far.  I didn’t yet know the term “analysis paralysis.”  Who knew you could be such an expert at something you didn’t know existed?

What to Do?

Does this sound familiar to you?  Some people seem more prone to it than others, but we’re all susceptible.  It’s taken me years to come to terms with my resistance, let alone find ways to truly conquer it occasionally.  Here are a few things that have worked for me over the years.

• Notice the feeling
  • Learn to take note of the feeling when it arises. Become aware of your thought processes in the moment.  Recognizing it is half the battle.

• Name the feeling
  • A lightning-quick thought in your mind, followed by the familiar resistance feeling, is easy to blindly obey because it’s become a reflex. But if you physically stop and say aloud, “I feel resistance about…” that takes away some of its sneakiness. You’ve brought it into the light.

• Take fast action
  • Action brings clarity. Analysis paralysis is so powerful partially because we believe we have to fully understand it before we act.  Measure twice, cut once; look before you leap – right?  Sort of: do just enough research – just barely enough – to get a decent idea, then take a step.  That step is a real action, not our pseudo-action. That step will likely bring enough clarity to make another just-informed-enough action.  It’s very much like walking through a dense fog.  You won’t know anything about your surroundings until after you take the first step, then the next.  Action brings clarity.

• Try for the middle
  • Honestly, we women can be complicated.  Sometimes we’re way too hard on ourselves; we thoroughly beat ourselves up for mistakes as moms, wives, friends.  Other times, we are far too easy on ourselves, allowing mediocrity to creep in.  There’s an important difference between being easy on ourselves and showing ourselves grace.  We absolutely need to show ourselves grace in our imperfections, in our inability to “do it all,” in our being sinners in a fallen world.  But it’s easy for a truly legitimate show of grace to turn into making excuses, saying things like:
    • I can’t seem to get motivated, instead of: I can always choose self-discipline.
    • I meant to but it just didn’t happen, instead of: I chose not to do that today.

Pray for wisdom to own it without beating yourself up.  We should always prayerfully challenge ourselves to take a good look at each situation with clear spiritual eyes.  “Lord, am I putting pressure on myself that you never intended?” and on the other end, “Lord, am I slacking off in an area where I should be striving for godly excellence?”

• Mother yourself
  • When our children fight brushing their teeth for the tenth day in a row, we still make them do it.  Why? Because it’s good for them and a blessing to anyone within smelling range.  But when we have something – whether it’s a dream God laid on our hearts, or simply cleaning the toilets or making dinner – that we don’t want to do, we often let our inner child win.  So mother yourself.  You know what needs to happen, and you are fully capable of taking those steps.

As often as I can, I’ll give extra resources at the end of posts for further help on a topic.  One good one is Jocko Willink.  He’s not a soft, flowery speaker, but sometimes we just need a good kick in the pants when it comes to getting things done.  He’s my go-to for that kick.  There are so many other videos and books that talk about resistance, getting things done, and habit training.  I’ve listed a few of my favorites below.  But don’t forget, going down a rabbit hole of watching 10 videos a day on these things defeats the purpose.  Read/watch just enough to give yourself some insight, then take action. Watch some more, take more action.

Resources:

Jocko Willink

Diary of a CEO